Malign Effect
by hakuse-kun
Summary: I died, and now I'm not sure whether I'm in limbo, hell, or somewhere else. As memories of my past life fade along with bits of my sanity, I wonder if I'll be able to find a way home before I forget it exists. I'll just have to take any help I can get. S/I


**Malign Effect**

**Chapter 1**

White lightning arched over every nerve in my body, the pain great enough to force my vision out of focus as I desperately pressed my hand against my chest. Rivers of blood flowed in between my fingers as I choked and coughed. My other hand groped blindly, searching for her as I struggled to breath. I had to be sure that she was safe. Everything we'd been through would be meaningless if she was gone now.

I felt the fire in my chest dulling, and panic swelled in its place. Pain was life. If I was going numb, then I was dying. My movements slowed against my will, my body going limp on the ground. Black began crawling over the edges of my vision…

"_Thank you," she whispered, her face buried in my chest and hands clenching my jacket. I barely had the presence of mind to wrap my arms around her in return. _

"_What for?" I asked, though I already knew the answer. She only tightened her hold on my jacket in response. I stared blankly at the ground to our side, ignoring the looks my friends were giving us. I felt awkward. I'd never had anyone cling to me like this before. I didn't deserve this adoration._

"_Any decent person would have done the same thing," I muttered to her, trying to downplay my actions. I wasn't important. I didn't want to be important._

"_You were the only one who did," she told me, stepping back to stare into my eyes with an intensity that scared me._

_She stood on her toes and kissed me._

With impossible effort, I forced myself to cough up the blood that had filled my lungs. The coppery liquid dribbled over my lips as my chest heaved. Finally, I managed to suck in a few short breathes of air, and the left side of my vision returned to me in sharp relief. Impenetrable darkness remained where I'd once seen out of my right eye, but the burning in my chest was worse than before. I was alive.

I swept what was left of my vision over the area I'd landed in, noting the wrecked car lying on its roof. It was crushed, utterly. For one horrifying second, my mind placed the image of her mangled corpse hanging behind the dash board. It was only when my chest started to go numb again that I realized my breath had hitched. I coughed up blood again, as quickly as I could. I'd never find her if I lost my left eye as well.

Several agonizing seconds passed by as I repeatedly scanned the area for her before I finally recognized her lying several yards from me. I'd already looked over her a few times, and I cursed myself for being so absent. Some part of my mind realized that I should have expected disorientation, but it did nothing to abate my frustration. I rolled from my back onto my stomach. Immediately, white flared across my vision as the pain sent me into spasms.

_She half sat beside me, half laid on me, my arm around her waist and her head against my chest. I stroked her hair with my free hand. Our friends were all around us, chatting and laughing to each other, but we might has well have been inside a bubble. _

"_Why do you sit like that?" I asked her quietly, "It can't be comfortable." She looked up at me for a moment, blinking lazily before closing her eyes again._

"_I like to listen to your heartbeat," she said. After a moment, she still hadn't added to her response, so I sighed and smiled exasperatedly. It was just like her not to explain anything more than she had to._

"_Promise me something, Tre," she demanded suddenly. Blinking in surprise, I agreed. Of course I would. She pulled herself off of me and yawned, then poked me in the chest, right over my heart._

"_Promise you'll never die," she said, her expression serious. She looked adorable. I chuckled._

"_Sure, Babe. I promise."_

My eyes snapped open, and I splattered more blood over the road as I coughed violently. Pain rolled over my body like flames, and I grinned like a madman.

"Pain is life," I whispered hoarsely. Slowly, trembling, I pushed myself up and pulled my legs underneath me. My feet dragged along the ground like lead weights, leaving red smears in their wake. It was a struggle to keep my vision focused, the world blurring in and out, and it felt like my body went numb every time my heart paused between beats. Mere feet from her, I stumbled and fell.

"_I owe you my life. Anything you want, I'll give to you."_

Silently screaming in frustration, I pulled myself toward her with my arms. I couldn't feel my legs.

"_You don't owe me anything."_

My fingertips touched her cheek. She was so warm…

"_You saved my life. By rights, it's yours."_

Carefully, I turned her head toward me, pressing my cheek to hers.

"_Don't be so dramatic. Besides, I don't want your life. I just want you."_

Her breath tickled my ear, and I smiled as everything faded away.

"_I can do that."_

* * *

"Save Shepard," the words echoed through my mind, quiet and whispered. Eyebrows furrowed, I shook my head to clear it. That was a strange thought to have on my deathbed. I frowned. My deathbed…

I wasn't laying in a pool of my own blood beside my wife anymore. I stood in a wide hallway crowded with people walking on either side of me. Time felt sluggish, as if everything were in slow motion, and my vision was unfocussed. When I tried to vocalize my confusion, I felt my lips slowly peel apart and warm breath billow between them. I could almost watch it float through the air, like mist in the winter.

"Save Shepard!" came the scream, impossibly deep bass tearing through my mind as terrible thunder. Every atom of my existence unraveled, and I felt pain greater than that of my death. My mouth widened in a silent shriek.

An instant later, I collapsed to the floor of the hallway in real time. Someone stumbled over me, cursing with surprise, and I heard several frightened gasps and a few concerned mutters. I quickly scrambled up against a wall and curled into a protective ball, sobbing hysterically. That horrid scream echoed through my mind again and again, skin still burning with false pain. It wouldn't stop, the pain wouldn't go away. I was in hell. I'd never escape.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, and screamed when I looked up. The demon's huge, black eyes glared into mine, its grip too strong to escape, and its lips spewed high-pitched gibberish. I couldn't understand, but I knew what it was saying.

"Save Shepard!" the demon screamed to me, and then stabbed its claw into my arm. Blackness came again.

* * *

"Save Shepard," the voice whispered.

"Save Shepard,"

"Save Shepard,"

"Save Shepard,"

"Please, stop," it begged, and my breath caught. I sat up, the light bringing tears to my eyes. I clenched my sheets, staring at nothing.

I'd been whispering it, over and over again. Jesus Christ.

I swiped my hair out of my face with a trembling hand, noting that it was slicked with sweat. There was a huge, wet stain where I'd been laying, now that I took the time to notice. I was sitting in a small hospital room. There was a single machine beside my bed, beeping quietly enough that I hadn't heard it until I tried. I saw nothing between it and my body. A wireless heart monitor. Hunh. Less reliable, I thought with a frown.

I blinked when I saw the door. It was clearly hydraulic, which was weird enough, but what really got me was the holographic interface floating just in front of it. For a moment, my mind remained blank, unable to process what I was seeing. When I finally managed to accept the image as reality, I propped my elbows against my legs and put my head in my hands. I'd been out for longer than I'd hoped.

That dream had been so real. The pain… I didn't know if I'd really felt it or just thought I'd felt it. The hairs on my arms raised and a feeling of pins and needles ran over my body. I told myself it must have been an episode of sleep paralysis induced by anesthesia.

I took in a shuddering breath and let my hands drop to my lap. It didn't matter. I needed to find… her. Her. My wife. Her name was…

I swallowed, uncomprehending. It was on the tip of my tongue. Long brown hair, clear blue eyes, her smile. It was vivid; I could recall every detail.

Why couldn't I remember her name? I choked, panic welling in my chest. What else had I forgotten?

The hydraulic door opened with a quiet whoosh, and a single man in a futuristic white and red doctor's garb entered my hospital room. The door slid shut immediately behind him, and he stood where he was. He was an older Hispanic man with a warm smile on his face.

"Uh, hey Doc," I said, trying to pull off a friendly smile. My lips didn't want to form the right shape. The hysteria faded, though, now that I wasn't alone.

"Mr. Shaffer, it's good to see you awake. You gave us quite the scare back in the wards," he said. Back in the wards?

"What do you mean?" I asked, sitting up straighter.

"Collapsing like that, screaming bloody murder. You caused quite the scene. Do you have any idea what happened to you?" He asked, concern coloring his words.

"Shit," I muttered, staring at my trembling hands. If that hadn't been a dream, then I wasn't in a hospital after waking up from a car-crash induced coma.

"Save Shepard," I whispered.


End file.
